The Second Arrow.....

There is a buddhistic concept (and there are many) that works with the notion of self-compassion.  One of my favorites is that of the Second Arrow.  It goes like this: one finds one's self with an experience that renders their sense of acting harmlessly towards one's self or others, in tatters.  Something that I may have said or done,  or being on the  receiving end of one of the poison darts from life, that causes me great sorrow and shatters my delusional  hope:  that I have arrived at a place where I or others can be spared of any type of suffering.

That 'first arrow' may be described as any event whereby I have sustained a great and grievous  situation; an event that threatens to take me down or pin me to the wall of questioning my own basic goodness. The first 'hit' is painful enough but then I add the 'Second Arrow' of adding to the pain with my own self recrimination or condemnation and increase  the pain tenfold.  I habitually and mindlessly fortify the original pain, with an added bull's-eye that clearly marks me as basically bad...reprehensible through and through.

I am learning, albeit very slowly, that I can instead bring a sort of' tender-hearted mercy of attention' to myself and my actions; to mindfully re-think the benefits of carrying around guilt or shame as any kind of attribute that would carry me down the road of canceling out any sense of dignity or nobility that I 'originally possess'....

My transgressions, of which there are many, is notable purely for its sake of a possibility to transform that which could destroy myself or others, into an opportunity for healing versus further destruction. If the Wise Heart can consciously pull out that 'second arrow' and bleed from only the 'first arrow', I stand to gain a gentler approach to anyone or any situation, without adding to the original pain.  The 'first hit' is hopefully painful enough to capture my attention to stop me in my tracks and change course.

Of late, I have become enthralled with my Second Arrows.  They are the matriarchs of possibilities. I am peeling myself off the dart board, getting out of range of the target practice arenas but, still, the slings and arrows of life will find me...the thud of the second arrow 'to the heart' will not find, so easily, a host for self-prescribed self-loathing  Second arrows can be the friends, the teachers for my learning more deeply, self-compassion. As quickly as I send the Second Arrow, there follows an opportunity to dislodge it and as swiftly as the first arrow was sent, I am getting more adept at pulling out that which I send to multiply  my pain and, hopefully, that which I add to other's suffering.

Learning to suffer, with dignity and grace, I can quell the fears of slaying my own heart, abandoning my own basic goodness, revel in the imperfection of being a skilled archer of self-imposed suffering and fill my quiver with less Second Arrows.

Gracie Garp