Taking Refuge...

This fall, I will take my Refuge Vows. This vow will be an expression of my freedom. Freedom as a refugee, I can let go of my attachment to basic security--which is actually illusory; there is really no basis of security in one's life. Willingly suspended in no-man's land (no-woman's land) in which the only thing to do is for me to relate to the Dharma and with myself.

This vow is also intended to be a proclamation of my 'one-pointedness'; an allegiance to my sense of discipline, ethics and spiritual path. A heartfelt yes to my Basic Goodness. I am freed from having to be a heroine to a personal success story. This has me planting my stick in the ground and stopping in my tracks, the shopping in the spiritual marketplace for what I believe in. No more sidetracks, no exits. I have chosen the Buddhist path.

There will be no more scapegoats; blaming people, places, and things, for the problems I encounter. No more collapsing into a belief of helplessness whereby I would normally hand my problems over to someone or something else. Being virtually groundless, I can entertain the problems I will most assuredly encounter, as now a reference point from which to continue to practice moving along my boddhisattva path. Somehow, ironically, this affords me a way to relate to my being lost, confused but simultaneously more tenderhearted and open. Maitri-self compassion- will be my internal compass. I am welcoming the Hinayana approach--the narrow path of simplicity and boredom.

I have spent so much of my life caught up in 'dramas'...boredom is such a welcome relief to all the drama-energy I expended or whipped up to make my life tolerable or supposedly meaningful. There seems to be a sensibility and simplicity in working with the sacredness, richness and ordinary magic of my human experience. I am a slippery fish but I am no longer calling on a bigger net than myself for salvation. By this, I do not mean salvation like that of individuals being saved from their sins, their lives and their choices. Rather, I am being saved from a life of never growing up or taking full responsibility for my words or deeds.

I have no desire to go into 'lifetime retreat' or retreat from life...no, I am committed to being wholeheartedly engaged with what crosses my path as I participate in it fully. Fully a part of the everyday ordinariness of walking planet earth. Embracing ordinariness is a far cry from where I began with believing that to not live an extraordinary life or be an extraordinary person, I was somehow betraying my purpose. Fortifying my ego with thoughts of the extraordinary served its purpose: I learned that my extraordinary efforts to maintain myself as "different from", "better than" was not only impossible but ultimately, arrogant, selfish, and isolating.

This decision to take refuge, has been a long time in coming. I have not entered into it naively or haphazardly. There will be no beatific sound track to my life after the Vow. There will be the great unknown, roads less traveled and a heart that beats with both trepidation and solace. Whatever will be, will be and I vow to take refuge in it.

Gracie Garp

Dictionaries....

One of my most beloved friends, David, has the same compunction
and passion for 'reading' dictionaries, as I do.

This particular literary habit began early in my life. Of course, it has served me well as I have an unusually broad vocabulary and am a formidable Scrabble opponent. Once in a while, someone will come across a word that I do not know or have not utilized in years. David shared with me the word: canoodle. At first, I thought this was a noun, like noodlehead but in fact it is a verb...I will let you have the delightful experience of visiting your nearest unabridged dictionary and see the definition for yourself. Suffice it to say, I wish you all the abundant canoodling that you would ever want or need.

As an aside, since I thought I could feature other writers on my own blog, I wanted to submit for your enjoyment another (contemporary) poet's piece called: True Religion

True Religion

Christianity says: God's a man.
David says: Where is he?
The true religion would say, he'll come to you, sinner,
be careful what you ask for.
Christianity says: Sorry, die to meet him.

Islam says: God is great.
David says: I know!
The true religion would say, fine.
Islam says: Say it again.

The Buddhist says: I'm not me.
David says: I'm not you either.
The true religion would say, your born mate lives.
Buddhism says: Vanity begone.

The Hindu religion says: Owe my god.
David says: I can't pay.
The true religion would say, mercy is not strained.
India says:
When you thirst family first
burst nursed stranger cursed.

Judaism, once upon a time the true religion, now says: There's one God.
David says: Let him make another.
True religion says: God is one.

For respect of rights I AM tried on earth to
make the effects of my life one with my flesh.

O my God
I AM show
me myself
great to know.

You Are What You Eat....

I have heard it said that you can tell a lot about an individual by the contents of their refrigerator. Some time take a moment to peruse your own frig and see what it may say about you. Better yet, take a look at a friend or family members frig and see if its contents don't reveal something about them that you did or did not know...you are what you eat. I had the good fortune of having my dear friend, Turtle, do an inventory of my frig. This inventory was not planned so as to not think I stocked something to contrive a dishonest 'snapshot' of its full contents.
**You could also approach this list like a short (yet to be written) culinary-novella of my life in the kitchen:

Inventory:

Freezer: Goose Point Pacific Oysters, Organic Asparagus, Olivieri Cannalloni, Collossal Cooked Shrimp, Organic Artichoke Tops, Organic Angus Beef Burgers, La Concha Cotija Grated Cheese, Pork Roast, Organic Chicken Livers, Nestle's Turtle Cookies, Pork Tenderloin, Puff Pastry Shells, Crab cakes, Edamame, Organic Chicken Patties, Pork Ribs, Ben and Jerry Ice Cream, Athens Filo Dough, Belly-Tuna Filet, Astor Chocolate Liquer Cups.

Refrigerator: Roland Large Capers, Papa Christo's Tahini Salad Dressing, Seafood Sauce, Melle Dijon Mustard, Homemade Chili Sauce, Mediterranean Organic Sun-Dried Tomatoes, New England Cranberry Pepper Jelly, Danish Raspberry Preserves, Krinos Taramosalata Caviar Spread, Santini Fancy Pesto, Thai Red Curry Sauce, Rothschild Onion Horseradish Dip, Executive Chef Roasted Garlic, Claussen Kosher Dills, Claussen Sauerkraut, Minced Garlic, Rice Vegan Cheddar Cheese, Christopher Ranch Organic Whole Garlic, Flax Oil, American Cheese, Red Palm Oil, Grapefruit juice, Pear Juice, Club Soda, Pomegranate juice, Italian Pork Sausage, Butter, Stone Ground Whole Wheat Bread, Rothschild Fiery Raspberry Salsa, Pie crusts, Whipped Cream Cheese, Salemville Amish Bleu Cheese, Plum Sauce, Patak's Curry Paste, Fisher & Williams Raspberry Chipolte Sauce, Chantaine Mixed Berry Preserve, Hollywood Safflower Mayo, Heinz Organic Ketchup, Beaver Cream Horseradish, Bel Aria Black Olive Paste, Italia in Tavola Garlic Paste, Organic Sesame Tahini, Fire Mountain Red Cherry Syrup, Raw Hazelnuts, Sour Cream, Napa Valley Wasabi Sake Mustard, Tanqueray Pimento Olives, Tanqueray Lime Olives, Sadaf Sundried Olives, Half n Half, Mezzetta Calamata Olives, Cavi-Art Seaweed Caviar, Presidente Feta, Bella Cucina Tomato Pesto, LuLu Saffron & Garlic Rouille, Wild Oaks Eggplant Caponata, Wine, Beer, Champagne, Justin's Organic Almond Butter, Pine Nuts, Jarro-Dophilus, Imported Pecorino Cheese, Jarlsberg, Chevre, BellaVitano Cheese, Le Petite Dejeuner Brie, Cod Liver Oil, Phillip's Crabmeat, La Recca Anchovies in Olive oil.

Bon-Appetite

Gracie Garp

A Piece for Justin...

July 9, 2006

Justin

You were once
the child
steering your own
jewel
river boat

Peter and the Wolf
chased you
along the river's
shore
of
deep imagination

The oars of
adolescence
frought with
your being
handed a
family's sadly
leaky boat

The college years
when you
were not
spared
the necessary weight
of a
deeply broken heart
both
Julia and Marco
swept
under
the river's surface
One taken
by life
and
One
by death

Your present
watery
Van Gogh
years
of the thrill
and passion
of floating
precariously
along
the river's edge
of
no guarantees

Row, row
row your boat
gently down the
stream
Your heart's bouyancy
will sail you
into all
the days of your life

-tanina

More "Wild Mind" Prose....

July 2006

Suffer Supper

The madman from
Amsterdam
marking time
while waiting for
the paint
to dry

The bell of the ball
a green toad
under her dress

Extraordinary
vicissitudes
pay homage
to your
elephant sized
tears

The suffer supper
is cooked
and waiting


Sing Louder

Cradled babies
take
addled adults
to task

The forever
lullabies
never
sung
loud enough
for the
very frightened
to hear


The Falling Out

Too many
easter bunnies
fell out of
her basket

Not enough
santa's
in the
reindeer's lair

Go home
now
the holidays
are over


-tanina

The Bird Shit Blessing....

For what it is worth, two night ago while reading on my outdoor patio a bird shit on my head....I sent an email to the Tribe that I considered it a blessing of sorts: an ample closure to my sweet time living for the last two years in the Bilbo Hut; a visceral send-off to my new abode and,or, at least a good reminder to not get too heady about my recent good fortune and forget that some of my Dear Ones are still in the midst of the the throws of life meting out different kinds of shitty lessons. Of which, I believe, it is still possible to grow from with a modicum of believing that all things happen (or not) for the good of those who embrace their Basic Goodness.

For any of you getting shad on in this lifetime, I got some very interesting (and heretofore unknown) information on the different notions of what it portends to have a bird shit on your head. For your perusal and aviary-shit edification:

Taylor wrote: "In the Greek culture, a bird shitting on your head is good luck of the massive kind."

Cyn wrote: "It is a very good omen. When bird droppings land on your head many people believe this to be a major sign of wealth coming from heaven. Hence,although it is really yucky and a major inconvenience, when something like this happens to you, take comfort in the fact that this is described as good luck being just around the corner. In fact, most things associated with birds tend to spell good fortune, such as when birds fly to your home and begin making nests in and around your house. While bats bring abundance, birds bring good news and opportunities. Birds are also said to be powerful protectors and guardians. Even crows are said to be messengers of the Gods. So, welcome birds with open arms."

Darel (my dear satirist) wrote: "There must be a tribe somewhere that considers this a great omen. It is a sign of a Grand Stroke of Fortune that will soon be manifested. It is given only to Chosen Ones who have been selected by vote on Mount Olympus. You have been selected for your wisdom, kindness, charity, chastity, purity of thought and love for others. Graded on the aggregate: If you're deficient in any of those areas, your score in the others might carry you."

Apparently, this moment was fortuitous...I wish you all many bird droppings on your beloved heads.

Gracie Garp

Prose....

In the spirit of 'wild mind' writing sessions ( thank you Natalie Goldberg) I wanted to post some of my varied prose:

Intelligent Doubt

Make no
bones
about it

Stand up
stick straight
when
love
is
a
no-show

When hatred
crosses
your path
step
aside
and
blow kisses
on
her back

Stop loathing
in her
tracks
she may
be looking for
just
one moment
of
doubt
to
change
her mind


Godsend

Monkeys
in the zoo
hold flashlights
late at night
for
the zebras
on the way
out of
their tight
stripes


Pairs

Forgiveness
travels
in pairs

Two children
two lullabies
two wings
two chances
two poems
two deaths
two resurrections

-tanina-