Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Zen Koan....



"Quick, without thinking: What was your original face before your parents were born?"
                                                                                                                 --Zen Koan

The first time I heard this particular koan, I was struck by the profundity that my original face is actually a total mystery of my original essence.

Furthermore, we are said to also have 'an original voice'...the voice and thoughts; before we are conditioned to blithely repeat and say all that we were told to think or believe in. That original face and voice (story) held without judgmental self consciousness, is something I want to be curious about.  Dismantling all that was innocently taken on is worthy of my attention.

Who am I without 'this face'; this 'story'?

One of my favorite Buddhist practices is referred to as : Touch and Go.  Utilizing the ability to let thoughts come and go without clinging to them as absolute truth....I can use the thought but rest in my heart; the innocence of the heart. An Indian sage, Nisargadatta, said, "The mind creates the abyss, the heart crosses it."

I am, myself, a Storyteller.  Stories are not devoid of value.  As a writer, I have come to respect their evocative power.  At best, they replace a deluded cultural narrative or a mis-leading fantasy with a tale of compassion.  Dropping below my story, I can be ushered back to the Mystery of the here and now: when chopping wood, just chop; when washing dishes, just wash.  This may sound simplistic...it is.

Ah, the challenge of not judging my stories or getting too caught up in deconstructing my 'original face', is practicing the mindfullness to question what I have so fiercely clung to as fully representative of my essence, before investing so heavily in a purported solidness that proceeds the danger of becoming a 'fundamentalist.'  Fundamentally, I can fill the bowl with all manner of concretized thoughts and behaviors but I can choose to 'empty' the bowl and allow for a freshness (even for a moment) of 'not knowing; not having to know.

I can almost bring a sense of playfulness to noticing how often I will fill my bowl today and the practice of emptying the bowl...when filling, just fill; when emptying just empty.

Gracie Garp



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