Empty the bowl....

Fortuitously, some eight years ago, at age 49, I found myself crawling on my proverbial hands and knees into the Shambhala Center Shrine Room.  Out of necessity or, was it just auspiciously timed, that I was able to finally listen to, and act on, my curiosity towards  a more Buddhistic/Taoist/Eastern way of 'understanding' not understanding. And, that there is nothing to understand.  Whatever the motivation, it was apparent that I had run the gamut on over-filling my bowl (my life beliefs) with thoughts saturated by 'my little kingdom of ignorance.'  If I had now come to yet another fork in the spiritual-quest-road, this time looking for  Enlightenment, I had to first learn that the big E is not a noun but a verb...not a destination but a full embrace of the journey of not needing to arrive... 'not knowing' and contrary to my former beliefs, not needing to know. This was not going to be easy for me.    Empty the bowl.

I did not mean this new found realization in any kind of self-depracating context.  I was admittedly tired of creating Suffer-Suppers...gorging on the notion that if my sustained happiness was the only true indicator to gage my worth, value or supposed success, that I was failing at it miserably.  When I first heard that the Buddha's First Noble Truth is: Life is suffering, I was tremendously relieved.  Suffer-suppers are just part of the deal, like yolks at the center of eggs.  Suffering, not as a punishment but just a state of being human.  Suffering...no big deal.  Not suffering...no big deal.    Empty the bowl.

At this juncture of my writing, I have gone back to count the use of the words I, me or my.  It totals 18.  That's a lot of Me-My-I.  That's a whole lot of Self concern....a whole lot of (if you embrace Buddhistic notions) "Thoughts Without a Thinker."   This Self/No-Self and Emptiness is Form and Form is Emptiness stuff, at first, drove me crazy.  It did not however, drive me to drink but drove me instead to the cushion to meditate.    Empty the bowl.

After decades of being non-plussed by 'stillness', I now couldn't think of anything nicer to do than 'sit' in stillness and do no-thing.  What I had never understood nor experienced (outside the mindfulness practice on the cushion) was the incredible amount of energy available in stillness; the galaxy-like and heretofore unexplored internal spaciousness in between all my mind chatter.  The intermittent 'gaps' between my lightening speed thoughts were brief but undeniable.   Empty the bowl.

                                                                                                                                                                 The first time I heard the Buddhistic notion of : exchanging Self for Other...I thought this was going to be another call to sacrifice myself at the altar of martyrdom.  I didn't yet realize that there was no-self to sacrifice.  No dualism: the one who does the Suffering and the one who does the Saving. That the Self they were speaking of was the Self that is not separate from Other...that we are all inextricably tied (interdependent) with all things, no things and everything.  The John Lennon: "I am you, and you are me, and we are all together" comes to mind... " Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"---becomes: Lucy is the sky, the sky is diamonds and the diamonds are Lucy....All One.    Empty the bowl.

Finally, in all this, my verbiage, my writing, my meandering thought streams and purported conclusions...I can now take them all in with an inhale and let them all go out with the exhale and-- Empty the bowl.

Gracie Garp